pointless points

25 Jun

So, I sort of let my blog die in its infancy. In the manner of many careless parents, this wasn’t a conscious decision, it just sort of happened and my mental capacity no longer seemed to be something I could direct towards responsibility. However, I am BACK. And it really isn’t like I have neglected to write about all the hugely important acts of lifelong significance I have been undertaking since finding myself in the the familiar, depraved location of Doncaster, as I have done NOTHING. It is really quite embarrassing. To the extent that if I think about my worthless existence too extensively, I sink into a week-long depression, that involves sitting on sofa in my room, watching American TV boxsets, forgetting to eat my lunch, and shouting at people who remind me about things like food and washing my hair. Luckily, I have had my completely pointless but dearly beloved career as a part-time school dinnerlady to make me get out of bed at least one day a week, and that has the added bonus of providing me with a nourishing school lunch to make up for all the ones I have neglected to make for myself. Every cloud.

Here are a few, mostly unrelated, observations and remarks about my current day-to-day life. I would try to form a cohesive narrative to make it a bit more interesting, but I don’t think I am up to it at present, which leads me on to Point One:

POINT ONE: I had this horrible week where I thought I had forgotten how to read. Not as in ‘oh dear God, what are these little shapes in clusters of varying length?’, but more like ‘This book is sort of boring, what degree did I do again? Hmmm, maybe I’ll eat a nectarine.’ I am sure you can understand that this was more than a little concerning. I tried to think rationally about my sudden development of ADHD though, and came to a couple of reassuring conclusions, the first being that my brain was rejecting concentration as a form of rebellion after my university assessment period, when I didn’t sleep for four days and had to be taken to my doctor by my boyfriend as I wouldn’t stop crying, and that it would eventually recover, and the second being that the main character of Ian McEwan’s Solar seems like a wanker and I didn’t want to read about him. I moved on to his earlier novel, Saturday, instead, and seem to be faring a lot better now I am reading about a nice man who still wants to have sex with his own wife.

POINT TWO: What is wrong with humans??? Why does everything have to be corporate? I live on a nice street full of nice houses with nice gardens. Or at least I did. But then people realised that the one thing better than having a nice garden is having loads and loads of money, so they keep building giant, ugly houses in them, and then installing huge gates and brick walls around their new mansions to keep out the scum like me who still have trees on their premises. I have had many a rant with my architect father about this, but I think my annoyance can be summarised in this simple sentence: My street looks shit and I keep being woken up by drilling. Give me shouting students any day, at least they’re not awake at 8am.

POINT THREE: I have just spent at least ten hours reading every entry on Slutever. I think the ‘opposites attract’ principle came into play, and I became thoroughly sucked into a world of vile sex and  drugs, food out of supermarket bins and squatting despite my tendency towards panic attacks if I can’t wash my hands before eating and strict following of rules in case someone tells me off.  I dearly love and admire Karley whilst thinking she is completely rank at the same time.  At least I now know that to be cool I need to stop having a shower every day and not pay for accommodation, so at least I’ve learnt something.

POINT FOUR:  I’m going to try my very best to write something here on a regular basis.  I’ll add it to my ‘to do’ list under ‘at least attempt to leave the house every day’ and ‘stop listening to the depressing music you listened to when you got dumped when you were seventeen and crying over your future prospects.’  I think you’ll understand that those need to be my priorities right now.

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