Spare me the suspense

7 Sep

I’ve been really bad, I know.  Too much has gone on since I last posted for me to write about everything, and I am pretty sure none of it is that interesting anyway, so instead of lots of laborious typing, I am going to use the medium of pictures to account for elapsed time.  They do paint a thousand words after all.

I spent a week in Crete with my boyfriend Mike and his parents, on a very civilised holiday, staying in a town called Elounda, which felt a world away from the island’s most popular destination, Malia (Kill me now-ia).  I say civilised… all was very serene, except for the day we all lost our shit and decided it was a good idea to get towed on giant rubber rings (pictured) by a speedboat at 60mph, which is possibly the most uncharacteristic thing I have ever done.  Despite the implied danger of such an endeavour, it may be surprising to hear that it was not the #1 instance of ‘I am going to die!!!’ that occurred during the week.  No, that was the hour I spent on the island of Spinalonga (looming large across the water in the top photograph), a former leper colony/Venetian fort, when it was 40 degrees Celsius and not an inch of shade was to be found. Who knew your elbows could sweat?

This photograph stands for the worst series of hot drink related events that has ever taken place.   I don’t think I need to tell the whole (traumatic, horrifying) story, but that is THE THIRD CUP OF COFFEE I MADE IN FIVE MINUTES AND THAT IS THE FAT, STUPID BLUEBOTTLE THAT FLEW STRAIGHT INTO IT. Swearing commenced.

This picture has a two-fold purpose.  Firstly, it represents the hours of my life I have spent watching 30 Rock/thinking about 30 Rock/quoting 30 Rock recently, only fuelled by this source of brilliance (Blerg).  Secondly, it is true, I’M SO TIRED.  This is because, in my day to day summer holiday existence, I do nothing. Nothing. Read books, maybe, and occasionally see a friend or go for a little walk, but categorically, I do nothing. Not so, now the school term has begun, and I have found myself herding four year olds around a primary school like some glorified sheepdog that can shout ‘No, you have to wipe your own bottom.’ Oh, my sorry, sorry life. I plan on writing down all the hilariously awful things that keep happening for future use in a memoir or stand up comedy routine, just so the existential dilemmas of the under-fives (‘Hello, what’s your name?’ ‘I don’t know who I am!!’) don’t go unnoticed.

Anyway, that is a brief summary of how I have been spending the many, many hours since I last WordPressed.  I have also read at least ten completely unacademic books, caught a few trains, discovered a new favourite lipstick and worked out how to wear my hair so people stop thinking I’m in year 11.  Normal, infrequent and futile posting will hopefully resume now I am consistently in the same country with internet access, aren’t you lucky?

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2 Responses to “Spare me the suspense”

  1. Steph 07/09/2010 at 11:31 pm #

    you in a rubber ring might make it onto my wall x

  2. Amy 20/09/2010 at 7:31 am #

    Aww, looks like you had loads of fun. How was Spinalonga?? Did you read The Island? I wish I’d got to see the island.

    Also, I love 30 Rock- and this episode! I brought the first 2 series to Korea with me just in case I got lonely- and I watched this episode just two days ago! Hope you’re well xxx

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